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Me @ 35: Awake and Sleeping

I just took a moment to read my Me @ 34 post from this day last year. I laughed at the mention of my exhaustion because I’m QUITE positive, I’m more exhausted this birthday morning than I was then. I had no idea what exhaustion was then. Haha!

Today, Dex and I have been married 3 years, I’m 7 months pregnant with our 2nd baby boy, and our first born is a little over 1 year old (16 months). Life is full and busy over here.

On top of the personal things going on within the growth of our family, the outside world is in a place I would’ve never imagined.

This paragraph from my birthday post last year, was eerily prophetic as I read it again this morning.

This year I hope to figure out how to get back into a more intentional rhythm, but I’m also open to the possibility of the unknown. Things like discovering more about my husband, pregnancy #2, new clients and projects with work, unexpected growth and challenges with our son, cultural and governmental changes that may affect us. I can’t fully pre-plan and prepare for any of these things, but I do want to have the margin and capacity to have room for them when they come.

I’m reading this like:

  1. Discovering more about my husband – Check!

  2. Pregnancy #2Check!

  3. New clients and projects with work – Check!

  4. Unexpected growth and challenges with our son – Check!

  5. Cultural and governmental changes that may affect us – TRIPLE CHECK!

Between race wars, Covid-19 pandemic quarantines and lock-downs, and the resulting economic and social implications these things have brought us. Life is just…weird.

Never expected 35 to feel like this. I’m grateful, exhausted, excited, cautious, hungry, nauseous, full of ideas, yet lacking motivation and energy, awake at all hours, and at the same time, always sleeping. I’m thankful for the forced isolation and hating it simultaneously.

To wrap this up, I feel sadness and grieve for the state of our nation right now, on just about every front, but at the same time, I’m in the sweetest place personally.

It’s a weird juxtaposition. Neither invalidates the other and I’m having to remind myself it’s okay to celebrate and be grateful, even when there’s hurt, pain, injustice, and great loss all around you.

This is the strange combination that will always be present in this fallen world. There’s no avoiding it.

So to 34, you were all I expected you to be and much more!

Thirty-five, let’s do this! More growth, more love, more impact, more service, more purpose…I’m ready.

Check out my previous birthday posts:

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